Wednesday, 20 May 2020

Who Even Knows What Month It Is Anymore

I know I sure don't, lol

So uh, yeah. Living through a historic event that is probably gonna be put in the future's history books is, honestly, not as cool as one would think it is. Well, I don't know how many people would actually see a pandemic killing people as a cool thing (and this is coming from someone who plays Plague Inc to unwind) but yeah. 

Because of the virus (which apparently YouTubers aren't supposed to talk about or they get demonitised? That's wild.) pretty much all of my events have been moved to October (the month of my wedding, if THAT'S still gonna happen), next year or just cancelled entirely. Which is completely understandable due to social distancing becoming a government regulation and all. But it sucks the big one because these events are what help me make some of that sweet, sweet food money. Especially Sunnycon, that one is my bread and butter. Or WAS.

Luckily that one is still happening next year and, assuming I'm still alive by then, I've got a secure table and ideally much more stock than I have now. But while that's sorted, I still have right now to worry about.

Luckily, I've had my Etsy to work and live on and I've had orders that have been a wonderful help. Forgive me, my words aren't the best and I'm not great at phrasing stuff. But I want to thank everyone who has ordered from me or is planning to. You're absolutely amazing and it all helps me keep on going. You're a huge part in making Crumbs work and I'll be forever grateful for your support. I hope I continue to bring good wholesome birb content to you all!

To be honest, my business is extremely important to me and maybe it's not healthy for me to put my all into it but it's the only thing that keeps me going right now. In my last entry, I said I was diagnosed with autism and I was supposed to have a follow up appointment at the end of April to talk through it some more. Not only that, but I finally had an appointment with rheumatology to finally get my pains looked into in further detail and maybe narrow down what my issue is, if anything. Things were starting to come together in preparation for convention season. You know, the convention season that is no longer happening. THAT season. Good old COVID decided to be that binch and ruin everything for everyone.
It's hard not to feel deflated, that you're being slapped back into 'your place' after trying to better yourself and improve your life. I can't help but grumble about that when I'm feeling low and having to work through those darker emotions.

But the truth is, if the worst to happen to me is that I have my events postponed, that I have to wait longer for appointments, that my wedding might have less guests/have to be postponed and that I need to physically distance from loved ones for an uncertain amount of time, then I'll take it. I will absolutely 100% take that. Because yeah, it sucks, but even when I'm grumbling about my current postponed events and appointments, I still know for a fact that it could suck a hell of a lot more.

I'm not trying to invalidate those feelings because they are legit. But I know wallowing in them hasn't helped me in the past and it's not going to help me now. So I focus on what I CAN do- keep growing Crumbs and sharing my pigeons as much as I can. It's small, I know. But hey, there's a lot of power in small things sometimes.

I know I usually use this blog to have everything I worked on every month in one place. But the truth is, I've kind of just been taking stuff one day at a time, focusing on an application for funding, trying to grow my brand and looking into some future Crumbs projects. 

While I won't be able to make money from face to face events anytime soon, I'll just need to find other, more creative ways to keep going. So if you want to keep up with what I'm up to, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and consider giving my YouTube a follow, as I'm planning on finding ways to utilise it. I'm planning on more speedpaints once I have a drive for a scratch disk (long, frustrating story) and I might vlog here and there if it's Crumbs related.

In the meantime though, I'm gonna just vibe for a while. Maybe push the boat out and have a can of Pepsi or something.

Thanks for reading. Take care and stay safe.

~Emma